Short and not so sweet post

Good evening all....and by all i mean, all one of you!

Tonight was an interesting and difficult night for me. I love my best friend with all my heart and would do pretty much anything including taking a bullet for her. I truly care about her that much.

Tonight we went out, got prettied up and just went for dinner and a few drinks. Obviously it was one too few, because I continue to sit here writing this post, and surprisingly, with little to no spelling mistakes. I SHOULD be drunk enough that the entire post looks like a failed hooked-on-phonics person wrote it, but alas, to no such luck.

I had a wonderful time with my girl. We talked, gossiped, laughed, and was approached and hit on by a fairly attractive young man. Long story short, he is, justifiably, somewhat taken with my good friend. She is beautiful, smart and amazing! He SHOULD be more than somewhat taken aback by her, having said that, I can't help but feel a slight hit to my ego.

I realize this is a somewhat selfish / self- righteous post or feeling, but I can't help it. I know she's amazing...and gorgeous, but I guess I'm just tired of being second. I know I know, we all have our insecurities, there are plenty of fish in the sea, blah blah blah blah blah blah BLAH!

I guess the real message to this post is that it is sometimes too easy to crush one's spirits. The feeling of rejection hurts. Why do I care about what one guy says? Or why he chose her over me? Especially since i'm leaving in two days, and will probably never see this person again, EVER? Why do i care when I met him and spoke with him over a couple hours? I guess it's because it brings up a lot of fears, and insecurities. When we receive compliments, we appreciate and thank the complimenter.... however... when we receive insults, or rejections, or hard hits to the ego, we never forget it. We hold on to that, we dwell, we obsess over our imperfections. We try to "fix" everything and be perfect.

I guess it just hurts and is hard, not because of who he is, or anything else, but simply, it brings up a reminder of all those imperfections, a reminder of all the things we don't want to be reminded of....and i can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop dwelling. Alright, well it's 3:30am, and dwelling obviously isn't going to help, so i'm going to bed.